Service

I went to a local Military/Veteran Stand Down on Friday night. A Stand Down allows local community organizations and businesses to say thank you to the veterans and offer assistance for a variety of veteran needs. Mostly, the vendors are there to help with job search, healthcare, homelessness, and mental health services. Goodwill is a big supporter, and volunteers give out toiletries and clothing items. A free meal is also offered. The Stand Down normally takes place for 3 hours on a Saturday afternoon, but this year the events are on Friday night. Being an Air Force veteran I decided to go to check it out. By the time I got there, the event was finishing up. Everyone was very nice and helpful. When I registered, I was asked questions whether I wanted someone to contact me and whether I need mental health services or homelessness assistance. I wasn't sure if I wanted someone to contact me. It seems like a simple question, but it can be a personal one. What do you tell a volunteer you had never met before? Assistance for receiving dental care? I walked to each table and spoke a little with each vendor and volunteer. Each table had a giveaway or two: brochures, pens, lanyards, business cards, pill boxes to hold medications, support veteran bracelets, etc. There was also some Army gear that included t-shirts, boots, fleece jacket, duffle bag, sleeping bag, socks, undergarments, and a bag of toiletries. They were all very friendly and generous with their time and help. In conclusion of the event, the veteran receives a grocery store gift card. My hands were full with gifts when I headed to my car. Then, as I left the area, I got bags of snack items and choice of pop, water or juice. I was one of the last people to leave the event, and I wonder if I was given an extra bag of snack foods. It felt like a Friday payday and birthday all in one evening. The items are necessities, but to me the items are gifts. To the vendors and volunteers the items are thank you's of service. By the time I left I was almost teary-eyed and beyond grateful. I have a job, an apartment and a puppy pal to come to. But, I understand the need for necessities. I understand the feeling of barely making it paycheck to paycheck. I understand how it feels to have had a high value skill in the military and a civilian job that is way below the past job and education levels once achieved. I understand the feeling of living in a merry-go-round with little hope of jumping off to something better. I understand the fear of taking a risk for a better opportunity. With this understanding I did feel overwhelmed with the assistance and gifts. It can be difficult to accept that I am deserving of it. I served my country for ten years, and I have deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom. However, it is still amazing to me that volunteers are saying "THANK YOU" to me as I am driving away. Perhaps this is due to me being a woman and only in my 40s. In my mind, veterans are the old men with WWII and Vietnam campaign hats on their heads. I know my military work was important, but the veteran stereotype still hangs in my head. It has taken me a long time to hang military memories on the wall. I have started to hang up my OIF and OEF campaign hats and squadron photos. Maybe it takes awhile to get it figured out. Much of my career was briefing aircrew in a tent in the sandbox. Last year, I remember the anniversary of 9/11 being difficult to get through. Perhaps, it seemed stronger due to Covid and having to wear a mask everywhere. At the beginning of September, I wore my dog tags. I wore them every day until 9/11 as if they were my armor and comfort. Everytime I left the house, I felt as though I had to have my military cap on. I felt helpless without my dog tags and my head uncovered. I kept looking up to the blue sky. There was just this uneasy feeling like I had to gather military items or clothing to feel ready to step out the door. Each 9/11, I hope for a rainy or cloudy day, but 2020 there was more to deal with. And, I suppose it didn't help that September started out with beautiful, clear blue skies. This year it is 2021. Hopefully things will get easier and better. I suppose each of us is battling something.